If you get your feelings hurt easily, can't take a little language, have no sense of humor or can't take sarcasm for what it is, you should just come back here on on another day. Mkay? You've been warned. Proceed with
I love kids. Don't believe me? Take a look at any/all of my social media and browse the 900+ pics I've posted of my niece/nephews. See? It's borderline creepy, I know. For clarification, I also enjoy talking to my friends who have kids, and listening to their parenting stories. I always try to be as encouraging as possible during these conversations, because raising a child is easily the MOST overwhelmingly difficult (albeit, rewarding) job, ever. Yes, *surprise* I do understand that, even though I haven't been blessed with any children of my own (yet).
Here's my issue...Sometimes, even without kids, we have terrible/awful, no good, very bad days. When this happens, one of your "non child(ren) having" friends may come to you with the need to decompress & lean on you for support. During said conversations, it is likely that these friends (without kids) will mention that they're tired, or stressed out, or feel like they're drowning or whatever. The bottom line is this: they/we are seeking affirmation and reassurance about our current set of circumstances from someone we love/trust/respect. So, when you flippantly disregard our feelings/emotions with phrases like "oh you have NO IDEA what any sort of stress really feels like, just wait until...insert "one-upping", over shadowing parent moment here, it makes me want to punch you.
Here's why: We just talked about your kid, their interests, idiosyncrasies, dislikes, pooping schedule for like, an hour. I listened and was genuinely interested! Why? because I care about YOU and YOUR life and I love your kids because they are part of you. So, when it's my turn to speak, and you blow me off like I'm naive and silly for having/ feeling a certain way? I secretly want to throw a drink in your face. Why? Because I am in NO WAY trying to "out tired", "exhaust", "stress" you, or make any comparison about which of us has it worse! I'm just telling you about the current hardships/challenges in my life. All I'm after is a little compassion and encouragement...the same things I just blindly offered you.
I know your role as a parent isn't easy! But I guess my questions is this...since when does having children give you a free pass to be rude and or a colossal bitch? Because those "you don't know"/"I know more about" statements are two fold obnoxious. One? You don't have to live my life, so you aren't any more equipped to "know" how I'm feeling than I am to know what it's like to be in your shoes. The difference in this scenario is that I'm TRYING. Because, spoiler alert: I really couldn't care less about your child's shit schedule. And secondly? Some of us are struggling to make our own families. So, when you pop off about how "easy" we have it, or how little we "understand" (about the stupidest things like being tired), you're pouring salt into (what is for some) an extremely painful, open wound. It might not be intentional, but your overly-entitled, dismissive attitude is irritating...and on behalf of childless couples and basically the entire human population, I just thought you should know. I may not be a parent, but here's a solid little piece of advice, THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. We all need to try and do a little more building each other up, and a lot less tit for tat, "my life is far more trying than yours", martyr type, pissing-contest-comparisons. We should also eat more froyo, but that's a blog post for a different day.
End rant.
Well, I don't know about you, peaches, but I feel a lot better.
Always,
L
PS: this obviously isn't directed at all parents...but the flippantly dismissive attitude is something that has personally happened to me on MORE than one occasion; and I just needed to get it off my chest. Feel free to bring on the hater-ade. I realize this is far bitchier than my normal posts. Blame it on shark week.
PSS: For those of you on either side of this rant, that listen to and encourage your friends, even if their life is in a completely different place than yours? THANK YOU. You are a freaking rock star and are so appreciated.
PSSS: To all the of non parents out there, remember to reach out and initiate conversations and maintain friendships with the ones in your life that do have kids/families. Go the extra mile to remind them how awesome they are! And by all means, feel free to share this post with the ones who may be guilty of the above offense and don't realize it. I give you full authority to direct the heat towards me.
PSSSS: thank you to a very sweet friend who encouraged me, promised to never talk to me about her kids' poop, and made me brave enough to repost this rant. You are my hero!
