Sunday, October 28, 2012

Happy Birthday

There were a lot of things I missed out on blogging about when I went on my hiatus. None of them were more final than the loss of the greatest man I've ever known. Today is his birthday, and this is for him.

"See You Again"
Carrie Underwood

Said goodbye, turned around, and you were gone, gone, gone. Faded into the setting sun. Slipped away.

But I won't cry cause I know, I'll never be lonely. For you are the stars to me. You are the light I follow.

I will see you again. This is not where it ends. I will carry, you with me. Till I see you again.

I can hear those, echoes in the wind at night. Calling me back in time. Back to you.

In a place far away, where the water meets the sky. The thought of it makes me smile. You are my tomorrow.

I will see you again. This is not where it ends. I will carry, you with me. Till I see you again.

Sometimes, I feel my heart is breaking. But I stay strong, and I hold on...cause I know.

I will see you again.

Until then, all my love.



Tuesday, October 23, 2012

I went to jail

In keeping with my robber theme, I thought I'd share an extremely unpleasant experience I had last week. One where I literally went to jail. Well, chicken jail. 

This was one of those "if it can go wrong, it will" kind of mondays. And all I wanted to do was go home, watch trash television, eat fried chicken, and color with my new glitter crayons in my Lisa Frank coloring book. In that order. Incredibly mature, I know. Just let me.

So, on my way home from the longest day EVER, I stopped at the Golden Chick. And this is the series of events that followed...

Unless you live under a rock, or are really in to some fad diet, you are familiar with standard drive through establishment etiquette. You pull forward, you order, you drive past the 1st window (because apparently there is some kind of fast food inside joke that I'm missing) and pay/get your food at the second window. 

WRONG. Enter bitch on wheels. 22 inch platinum wheels to be more precise. Oh and a spare. On the back of her not SUV. This woman, bless her heart, almost made me kill her. And let me just say this...I would have been applauded by everyone else at Golden Chick that day. 

She pulls forward. She orders. She pulls forward. She REVERSES. She hangs out the widow with her phone. She orders some more. She pulls forward. And I shit you not, she reverses and adds to her order AGAIN. 

You know that big nasty vein that always shows ups on a murders forehead right before they snap and kill everyone? Mine was clearly visible. Throbbing in fact. Oh but don't worry. This story gets way better. 

So now it's finally (15 minutes later mind you) my turn to order. Here is where things just get asinine. The people tell me they are out of chicken. I did mention this is a CHICKEN place, right? So, I decide this is just not gonna happen for me. I can't wait another 15 minutes for you to cook more. I'm over this day and most certainly over this food chain. So I decide to leave. I look  behind me...

This is when I realize that I am literally TRAPPED. With 3 cars in front of me and 2 behind me...who all have NO problem with spending the remainder of their evening at the Chick. No path of escape is available aside from abandoning redcar and walking home. So, there I sat. For the next 30 minutes. THIRTY.MINUTES. 

And you want to know how they assured me they were sorry for my wait? A free dinner? Negative. One extra roll. ONE. 


The moral of the story? I got fresh, hot, fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, colored the most fabulous rainbow leopard this side of a gay pride parade and I only had to serve an hour in chicken jail. 

Hashtag lifefail. 



Wednesday, October 17, 2012

For catchy title see below

(**EDIT: it has been brought to my attention that I should clarify that I am, in fact, a responsible adult. I am NOT a bank robber. I am a productive, working member of society, perfectly capable of borrowing/paying a mortgage loan from any financial institution generous enough to lend it. I should also state that the title and contents of this post are completely, 100% an exaggerated attempt at satire. Oh, and Im not really a witch either. End edit***).

Balls. Being a grown up requires more thinking before blogging than I'm used to.

*insert eye roll here*

Original post:

"I robbed a bank"

Oh hi. You like how just lured you in with a flashy title while simultaneously glossing over my multi-month absence from the blogosphere? Me too. Suffice it to say that my new life as a burglar has kept me busy.

Ok. I didn't rob a bank. But I did buy a house, which is practically the same thing. I mean, seriously!? Who in their right mind would lend me a stupid amount of money for a house?! And not just any house. A magical house. FULL of whimsy. And awesome. Nobody, thats who. Therefore I must be a bank robber. Or...stop. A WITCH. Go with me on this. Two weeks ago, my nephew informed me that my eyelashes were spiders (hey lash blast, thanks for nothing), AND I saw an owl one morning on my way to work. Combine that with the voodoo I pulled on the bank and the fact that it's letter from Hogwarts should be arriving any day. It's totally ok to be jealous.

But for real, we did buy a house. And I'm so in love with it, it should be illegal. We will be closing in a few weeks, and I'm so excited! I don't want to jinx anything so these few pictures will have to hold you over until everything is official official. And yes I meant to say it twice.

I know what you're thinking, and I can assure you, that IS a spiral staircase. And original, 1940's hardwood floors. I die.

Peace, love, and pumpkins!



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

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