A lesson in domestic violence

People fight. Married people? They are no exception. And any married person who tells you otherwise, is a big fat liar....or, has their life much more together than me and the hubs do. Either way, I'm here to tell you that sharing your life with a boy ain't no picnick, and some days...you just want to punch them.

Cue Thursday. I got home from work, and captain bossy is all, "hurry up, lets go, we're gonna be late, blah blah blah". Let me back up a minute. Did I mention that he was off work ALL day...just chilling at home on the couch eating cheetos? And I was getting home from the world's longest day at the office, literally still climbing out of the car when he started all this nonesense? I think it goes without saying that I was grouchy. I was even more annoyed with the fact that we've been at this for ELEVEN years. You'd think by now this kid would know how NOT to push my buttons and turn me voilent.

Anyway, we were headed out to eat with his parents for my birthday and he was so sure we were gonna be late. And that my tardiness was super rude. Did I mention it was also ONLY 5:15? *insert eye roll here*

So we're bickering. And I'm getting more stabby by the second. Fast forward 30 minutes and I'm practically planning out where to bury his lifeless body, and he's still all, "yap yap yap you're inconsiderate". As we get closer to the house, he's tells me he doesn't want me to ruin dinner with my bad attitude. I beg your freaking pardon?! I politely informed him it was MY birhtday dinner and I'd be as hostile as I felt like...and he could bite me.

Now he's begging me to, "get in a better mood" and all I can say through my gritted teeth is how very much I would like to punch him. In the face. Twice.

What happened next, I never saw coming. Like, at all. He stops the car. He looks at me and asks, "if you punch me, can we be done and have a good time tonight?". My face must've been screaming YES, because before I could answer, he grabs my already balled up fist, and knocks himself upside the head with it. HARD. As in, his glasses fell off his face.

And y'all? I was INSTANTLY in a fabulous mood. All my frustration was gone. And as I sat there and stared at him, we both just erupted into laughter. I felt better. He was happy because I wasn't grumpy. And although it might have been the most disfuncntional fight we've had to date...I've never loved him more. We had an awesome time at dinner, and I was given the best blog material in marriage history. Gateway domestic violence for the win.

Hot mess, party of two? Your table is now available.

Always,

L