I want to start by thanking y'all so much for your encouragement/support. Each of you has blessed our hearts and we appreciate your kind thoughts and words more than we know how to say.
For those of you who don't know, our appointment for Riley Monday was not a good one. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was one of the hardest days of my life. It turns out that Riley was in the final stages of renal failure and only had about 25% of her kidney function. We were told that this was most likely a congenital problem that could have been triggered by a number of environmental factors, or could have just taken this long to present itself. To make the situation more devastating we learned that even if we had limitless funds to give her every possible treatment, this was a battle she was ultimately going to lose.
Defeated and completely lost, we took Riley home with us. We talked to our families/friends/Vets. We prayed. We cried...a lot. As the night progressed Riley took a turn for the worst. She moaned and whimpered and vomited. I just kept praying that she could drift off to sleep and not wake up, so we wouldn't have to "decide". But Riley has always been overly spirited and this was no exception. She wasn't leaving my side. But when we got ready to take her back to the vet Tuesday morning, the look in her eyes made our decision clear.
Around 8:30am Tuesday, after an extremely tearful goodbye, she "went to be with Jesus" (as my adorable niece Kenzie put it). Our hearts are absolutely broken, but we are finding peace knowing she is no longer in pain.
It's hard to describe the loss I feel. Our house feels empty. Like there is this critical piece missing. I had to talk myself up for about 20 minutes last night before I could bring myself to go inside. And even then I was bawling before I made it to the front porch. Her illness was so quick and time wasn't on our side and it's making this whole adjustment that much harder. If I'm being honest, I don't feel old enough to be doing this, or mature enough to handle it. I never imagined when I picked her up almost 5 years ago that I'd even have to think about saying goodbye this soon. And I suck at goodbyes.
Our two other dogs are mourning with us, and I just have to keep telling myself it will get easier for everyone as time goes on. Even though her time with us was short, she left an incredible legacy; she was the happiest dog I've EVER known and my own personal sunshine every single day...even now just thinking about her brings a smile to my face. She may be gone, but she'll never be forgotten.
We love you Riley May.
"If you have a dog, you will most likely outlive it; to get a dog is to open yourself to profound joy and, prospectively, to equally profound sadness."
-Marjorie Garber
Always,
L
Lauren words can't not describe the pain I feel for you. As I sit at my desk I am crying, crying for you and Nathan and the pain you are having to go through. I cannot imagine how heavy your heart is and how difficult it is just to continue making it day to day. Our animals become such a large part of our lives and they love you so much it's hard to imagine them not being around. You and Nathan showed how much you cared for Riley with taking her back to the vet because you allowed her to be out of pain. I read a quote and I think it's very fitting to you and any of us who have lost pets- "You think there will not be dogs in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us."--- Robert Louis Stevenson.
ReplyDeleteWe love you Lauren and will continue to pray for you, Nathan, Toga, and Lady.
Thank you so much sweet girl. We really appreciate all of your encouraging words/thoughtfulness/prayers. It's going to take a long time, but we'll find a new "normal" somewhere down the road. We know how blessed we were to have such an incredible dog, even if it was for shorter than we would have liked. We love y'all too! <3
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