Real World: Wife Eddition

Weekend wrap. Ok ya'll, to say that this weekend went anything other than planned is the understatement of the century (in a good way...mostly).

I got off work on Friday and headed to Southern Oklahoma McKinney to see my lovely WIFEY! I had some time to kill, so I asked an old friend from college (read: OMG I'm officially ancient and that's depressing...whatev) if he would like to meet for drinks and catch up while we waited on Bri. He obliged and the 3 of us met up at our old haunt (Chili's, duh) to reminicse and enjoy each other's company.

I'd love to put a bookmark right here and say that this was all that happened during our time together and that we all parted ways and lived happily ever after and yadda, yadda, yadda...but that would be a lie, and not nearly as entertaining as the story I'm about to tell. And, well, isn't that what the blog is for?

Disclaimer: this story is an acurate account of what happened; names have been changed for the sole purpose of maintaining what little dignity the parties involved have left. And also, so I can deny I'm actually writing about them and try and pass this off as a "fiction" piece...you know, that I dreamed about....while hopped up on....Nyquil? Clever, I know (just go with it).
Ok, here goes:

Sitting, eating, laughing, drinking, soaking up all the warm fuzzies you get by hanging out with people who know you (all of you, including your crazy irrational fears and the fact that you can't hold your liquor) and basically just enjoying the moment. Take this image, and drive a Volkswagon-van-going-150-mph-with-its-brakes-cut straight through the middle and presto chango you have a glimpse of what this evening turned into.
C-L-U-S-T-E-R to the nth degree.

I guess you might need a little background info. College friend, we'll call him "John", has a live in 20 year old girlfriend who loathes the ground I walk on. I'm a female, and aparently that makes me a threat to her life and is grounds for her to hate me and keep "John" and I from being friends. You know the kind, I'm sure. So, needless to say, she's not a member of my fan club and definitely did not appreciate this fun little rondevu.

Basically, "Jane" (John's girlfriend) follows him to the restraunt, lies in wait outside until steam is ACTUALLY POURING OUT HER EARS, ambushes the building, bull rushes our table and full steam ahead, rears back, close-fist-swings and plants one right on the side of John's head (who was looking down at his phone and never even saw it coming). I'm going to give you a few seconds to digest that. You good? Is your blood pressure spiking? Because mine sure did...To quote my wife, at this point of our dinner "Shit just got REAL" and things got superrrr uncomfortable...for him. We just pretended we were being Punked, or filmed for our own episode of The Real World: Chili's on McDermott. Blank stares from fellow patrons, and few drinks later, Jane returns with a vengence and strikes John in the face, again.


*Cue the proverbial round two bell and a cheering audience*

It looked something like this:



What followed was probably one of the most hysterical 911 calls in history "um yes, I need to report a case of aggravated domestic abuse via girl in a purple leopard dress". Not even kidding. Police come, do a sweep, can't find her, offer up papers to allow John to press charges, we all crash from the adrenaline rush and go home. But not before wife sends this text:


Which becomes the quote of the weekend. Hahahaha!!

Speaking of, the remainder of the weekend went off without a hitch. There was some spontaneous planking with 2 year olds:


Snuggly wifey time:

And our very own version of Say Yes to the Dress; where, *drum roll please* my wife found her PERFECT wedding dress that made us all cry. (Dress not pictured for obvious traditional reasons).

I'm so incredibly happy for her and Ryan and feel so blessed to get to be a part of their special day! Can't wait for more bridesmaid squad adventures with Raven and Sister, and most importantly I can't wait to stand next to my wife and watch her marry her best friend. LOVE IT!!