Ok. Before I unknowingly offend anyone let me say this: I understand every situation/marriage is different. I don't judge anyone who has been, is going, or is considering getting a divorce. Honest. This post is more about how as a WHOLE Americans are cheapening the vows they take by ending their unions before they've really even started. Not only that, but it's sending a message to kids that "you can go ahead and have your awesome fairytale wedding *Cough*KIM KARDASHIAN*Cough* and then just leave the man/woman after the fact...just so you get the "experience".
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| *insert eye roll here* |
Whether we want to admit it or not "Hollywood" and all the jokesters that are on the covers of People, US weekly, Glamor, and even Health magazines are the "role models" we have appointed (the Kardashian clan included). And if I'm being honest, it seriously PISSES me off when they work everyone up over their fantasy weddings and then the couple splits 72 days later. It feels like a slap in the face to the people who are married and have had to work their butts off to make things work or to keep their marriage/family together. Anyone with me on this? Again, I'm not saying that there are not situations where divorce is necessary, there DEFINITELY are...I just feel like more and more people are deciding to call it quits and it's alarming to me.
When we got engaged I had a LOT of older family/friends come to me and ask if "I was sure". At the time, I'll admit, I was pretty offended. We had been together for 7+ years by they time we got engaged, so um, yeah, I thought I was pretty damn sure.
Going on 3 years into our own marriage, I now understand why I was met with so much (well intentioned) skepticism. Of the umpteen couples that got married around the same time or after Nate and I, SEVERAL are already divorced. I don't know what went on or the situations that led them to make that decision, but I can tell you this, it's NOT because marriage is a "fairy tale" and a cake walk.
Another thing. Once you get that shiny ring on your finger, you need to make sure you spend
as much MORE time preparing for your MARRIAGE than you do on your WEDDING. It's just one day. ONE DAY in the grand scheme of the life that you are starting with another person. Focus on that relationship. Work on making it stronger. Get marital counseling of ANY kind. Take advice from people who know you as a couple and want ONLY to better your relationship. Only complain about your significant other to someone who is going to build them up, not add fuel to your fire. These were all things that we were told and did and I think some of them have made all the difference in the world.
If anything comes out of this rant I want it to be this: Marriage is NOT what you think it will be. Some parts will be, but there are so many things that will surprise you about the person you marry, no matter how long you were together beforehand. Trust me. We've been together 10 years and I'm still learning. People can't tell you enough that your first year of marriage is going to be hard. Ours SUCKED. Seriously, I won't go into details here, but if you'd like to know some of the struggles we faced (including but not limited to: unemployment, clinical depression, failing grades, eviction and being fired from a dead end job) please feel free to email me. Murphy's Law took full effect on our relationship but we've come out on the other side stronger for it. If your first year is easy, count your blessings and hit your knees because there will be a time that things
aren't and you'll need the support of your God, family and friends to help you make it through.
I'm sorry if I somehow offended anyone with this. That wasn't my intention. I just needed to get it off of my chest. I feel like if more people were honest and upfront about the work they've put into their relationships instead of just putting on a "show" it would be obvious how big a commitment you we making. I honestly still felt a little blindsided but what I've learned is that the road won't always be easy, but it will always be worth it. I posted this picture on my facebook yesterday and wanted to go ahead and share it on here too.
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| Courtesy of The Notebook |
The quote is from a movie but I feel like it says so much personally about our marriage. We have good days and bad just like everyone else and I just have to remember on the days he is driving me banana sandwich that I AM crazy about him...and I'll keep working every day, for the rest of my life, to make our relationship work.
Always,
L
**UPDATE** Please click the comments link and read the one from my friend Lacey. She was incredibly thoughtful/brave to share her advice from another side of this topic and I can't thank her enough for that!
