How We Do It.

Not IT, it, get your mind out of the gutter.

People ask me all the time how the hubs and I have done it. By that I mean, how we've managed to stay together for almost ten years without killing each other or throwing our hands up and just quitting. For those of you who don't know, Nate and I started dating when we were 15 (November 2001) and we've been together ever since. We've never split up, never taken a "break", never played that on-again-off-again nonsense game that so often goes on in high school. We pretty much decided from the beginning that if we ever came to a point of contention that was so big we couldn't work through it, we'd both just take our marbles and go home...no harm, no foul.

We grew up together, and by the grace of God the more we found ourselves and figured out who we were as individuals, the more clear it became that we were meant for each other. We've literally grown into this love that we share despite the fact that in many ways we are polar opposites. I'm an over-exaggerator with a flair for the dramatic and Nate is as cool, calm, and collected on the inside as he appears on the surface. He's steady and I'm a mess, he's rational and I'm anything but. We balance each other out on every level.

Our relationship is pretty unconventional. I mean, it's not everyday that people find their happily ever after as a freshman in high school. But to our credit, it hasn't been a cake walk, and we have both put in a LOT of work to get our little circus where it is today. When we decided to get married, we both knew it would be forever. That we were making a commitment to love each other for the rest of our lives. For better or for worse as they say. Because y'all, marriage isn't a contract, it's a choice, and every day we CHOSE to love each other, and no one else.

I've been trying to think of an answer to the question of "how we do it". Obviously every relationship is different, so these "guidelines" won't fit everyone's situation...but these are the time tested things that have worked for us, so I thought I would share them.

1. Don't take life, yourself, your partner, or your relationship too seriously. Knowing how to laugh at yourself is key. If you treat everything like it's fragile and could break at any second, odds are, at some point, it will. There are surely going to be hiccups and snags on your journey, but learning to see the humor in every situation not only makes them bearable, it makes that time in both your lives memorable.

2. Pick your battles, and pick them wisely. This is something I work on every day. When you first get married, it is so easy to nit pick each other to death. Make sure when you are taking a firm stance on something, that it is really worth the time. If you turn every little thing into a war, your partner will never know when you are really upset about something.


3. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Nate and I don't sugar coat things for each others benefit. In fact, sometimes we are so blunt with one another that people think we are having a giant fight. We call this our "bicker talk". If I'm driving Nathan banana sandwich, he tells me. If he's being ADD and working my last nerve, I tell him. When we ask each other "What's wrong" we don't say "nothing", we say exactly what's bothering us. This not only keeps us honest, it eliminates a lot of actual fights because we aren't harboring pent up frustrations.

4. Talk about everything. We don't keep secrets in our house. And yes, sometimes this means we have to tattle on ourselves and suffer the consequences, but I promise it's better than not saying anything at all. We keep completely open lines of communication and I think this honesty has played a major part in getting us where we are today. There is nothing I can't talk to Nate about and vice versa. Now, sometimes we aren't particularly interested in what the other person is saying, (he hates to hear about celebrity gossip and I'm not super engaged in endless sports stats) but we listen and pretend to be interested as long a humanly possible.

5. Laugh with each other.  Nathan and I probably take this to the extreme. It's like a game for us. If I can get him to laugh so hard that his high pitched giggle comes out, it's better to me than winning a gold medal at the Olympics. I LOVE making him laugh, and he loves making me laugh. We have fun with each other and we will happily take responsibility for every laugh wrinkle and smile line on each others face.

6. Trust each other. If you are serious about spending the rest of your life with someone, you HAVE TO trust them. I trust Nathan 100%, all the time...and he trusts me. This means that when I go out with my girlfriends, he doesn't worry about me doing anything that would upset him. It also means that when he goes on wilderness adventures, I know that even though he wants to do dangerous/outrageous things, he loves me enough to be safe. This isn't always easy, because human nature causes us to doubt, but at the end of the day, I know we both have each others best interests at heart and it sets my mind at ease.

I'm sure there are plenty of things I'm forgetting, but I feel like these are the most important...at least for us. We've still got a long way to go, but I think we've done a pretty decent job so far. I'm proud of us. I'm proud of the life we are building together and I'm blessed to spend forever with my best friend. With him by my side, there's nothing in this world I can't do.

Always,

L

P.S. This song sums us up pretty perfectly.