Foot Loose and Tumor Free

Heck yessssss! Who has a tumor? Not this chick. I'd do a happy dance for you, but since I'm still going bra-less and I'm about as sore as you would be if you got hit by a VW bug...I'm gonna have to pass. Sorry to disappoint. Rain check?

I also want to apologize for not blogging until today...but if it makes you feel any better I did attempt to start several posts over the last few days. Unfortunately the drugs would kick in and I'd fall asleep before I was able to publish them. I give you exhibit A...

You can thank my mom for this picture. Apparently she still thinks I'm adorable enough to photograph while sleeping

Lucky for you, blogger is nine kinds of awesome and auto saved my wanna be blog posts as drafts. So today, when I had the "itch" (pain killer induced, I'm sure) to blog I thought I would read over a few for "inspiration" and to clean out my box. And that's exactly what I did. I started skimming through all of the nonsensical narcotic induced ramblings and y'all, not ONE of them made any sense. Literally, not one. Don't believe me? Here are just a few of the 20 or so topics I felt were completely necessary to blog about...

**Anyone ever feel like the term smart phone is insulting? I do. I mean, I love my iphone like it's my child, but it's only smart when I'm using it. Otherwise it's just sitting there. I'm not saying I'm smart, but I'd like to think I'm smarter than a phone. And a fifth grader. And my dogs. And besides, if it was as smart as it thinks it is, it would know that when I type "titties" I MEAN titties, not "tithes". Get with it autocorrect**

**I'm experiencing separation anxiety now that my tumor is gone. I use to poke and squish him all day long. And now I have a hole that's not squishy and hurts like a bitch when I poke it. I think I was tricked**

**Vicodin=awesome sauce. Constipation caused by vicodin...sucks worse than this drought we're in. Is it ever gonna rain again? I'm thinking not so much. Rain would be incredible. But not as incredible as I feel right now.**

**I want to get 100 tattoos and then become a super hero crime fighting wonder woman with tattoos that each give me a special awesome powers. Like spidy-sense but so much cooler.**

**I was gonna blog some stuff, but then I got high. I was gonna get up and type a lot, but then I got high. Now I'm stealing words to a terrible stoner song and I know whyyyyy. Why man? Hey heyyyyy! Because I got high, because I got high, because I got highhhh**

**My pitt bull looks like a tootsie roll. A big stupid, smelly, tootsie roll. With teeth. That farts. She won't quit staring at me. I think I'm being paranoid.**

...Y'all, I promise they only removed the tumor, and not my brain. I seriously considered just deleting all of those since they obviously make me look unhinged...but what fun would that be? So in conclusion, I'm clearly headed straight to rehab. Here's hoping I'll do better than Amy Winehouse.

Too Soon? My bad.

Stay tuned for a picture tribute farewell to my tumor and an update on how I'm actually doing. You know, something a normal person would do. Yes, normal.

Always,

L